Day 123 – Last night while at the Bachmann book signing I ran into the new edition of Emily Post’s etiquette book. This one was updated with all the latest etiquette tips for a new day dominated by technology. Seeing that my wife is an etiquette expert, I thought it was the perfect gift.
After all, Elizabeth’s love language is gifts. Mine is words of affirmation. I like to be told that I’m rocking shiz.
The premise was created by Dr Gary Chapman in the book “The Five Love Languages.” He explains that relationships succeed when you understand a person’s love language. There are five of them (from about.com):
Words of Affirmation : This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate’s self image and confidence.
Quality Time: Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner’s love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.
Gifts: It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don’t have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.
Acts of Service: Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.
Physical Touch: Sometimes just stroking your spouse’s back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.
It’s important to know your significant other’s love language because very often, its not your love language. You may be showing all the love you know to show, but you and your significant other might be speaking different languages. For example, I’m a words of affirmation guy. I could tell Elizabeth all day every day that she’s doing a fantastic job, but she won’t feel loved unless I give her a gift every so often.
No, she’s not materialistic. A $2 cupcake can show love. So can a nicely colored page out of a coloring book. But Emily Post’s new book is best.
I really don’t care about gifts so I’m not wired to think that way. I can never receive a gift and be just fine. I feel loved when Elizabeth tells me that she’s proud of me.
Folks typically have secondary love languages too. Elizabeth is a quality time gal. That’s obviously not good for me during election cycles. I guess my secondary language is either physical touch (I am a man you know) or acts of service. It depends on my mood.
While some of these, like physical touch, are more for couples, these items can also be used in the professional world. For example, yesterday Congresswoman Bachmann pulled me on to her bus to tell me that she was very impressed by the amount of press I turned out for her event. I cant tell you how great that made me feel. Some employees may feel could when you praise them, but some may require a small gift.
Learn the love languages and build relationships.
- Wesley Donehue
Comments
Powered by Facebook Comments