Day 94 – Today I continued my teaching of CS Lewis’ Mere Christianity in Sunday school. I must be doing a really good job because our class has doubled in size since we began the study. Although I’m sure it has more to do with another class disbanding than my class rocking.
In today’s discussion we concentrated a great deal on marriage where CS Lewis talks about the difference of being “in love” vs. real love.
As he says, love is the engine that keeps us going and “in love” is the explosion that started the engine. Lewis thinks it would lead to quite the miserable life if that “in love” feeling lasted forever. I tend to agree.
When I first fell in love with Elizabeth, she was all I could think about. Work, friends, hobbies, hell, everything went to the back of my mind. She consumed my thoughts. I wanted to spend every free second with her.
I know you you’ve been there too. Or at least I hope you have.
I’m glad that the feeling didn’t last forever. I would be broke with no friends. I wouldn’t be growing a company and traveling around the world. I wouldn’t be experiencing life.
Instead of lasting forever, “in love” led to a deep love that’s hard to put into words.
Here’s the best I can explain it: I have a deep fear of flying. As soon as the plane starts rolling, I begin thinking of death and then I begin thinking of Elizabeth and how I may never see her again. I know that my final thought in life will be of her and not politics or work. That’s my definition of love.
The problem with our society is that too many people think of love as “in love.” I hear it all the time from friends thinking of divorce. They all say “I’m not in love with him/her anymore.” My only response is “you aren’t supposed to be.”
That excitement eventually dulls as life goes on. Arguments happen about the stupidiest, pettiest crap in the world. Of course you just want to scream, or punch a wall, or run away. But you can’t just run away. You have to tell yourself over and over “divorce is not an option.” When you remove that option, you learn that arguments happen and that they will eventually stop.
They stop because you learn that you can’t just leave and when you can’t leave, you learn how to argue better. Or you learn how to resolve arguments faster. Or maybe you don’t argue at all.
Learn the difference between “in love” and love. Never make divorce an option. Take it off the table completely.
PS – I know you love that picture. It was taken at a football game just a couple months after I first met Elizabeth. She was a Gamecock dancer, known then as “coquettes.” I fell head over heals in love with her, but she had a boyfriend. SUCKED big time! I’ll tell you the rest of that story later.
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